Just me, a weak person

Today my depression suddenly attacked again. Whole day my emotion was fully control by the depression. I shouted in heart to get someone help me. Finally I locked myself in the room. I don't want people see my moribund look. I started to think positively to manage my emotion. I could then again second attacked. I tried many times to control myself to avoid from the bad sign of depression. Then third times I lost control. I know the reason what is affected me, but I can't to change it. During the depression, I cried and think a lot sadness cases happened long time ago. I still think don't need help from other, I tried to control by think here and there, just leave my thinking from think the sad thing. If really happen, I hope tonight I fall in sleep I never wake up again to see the sun raise. My life is enough "dark" because the depression company with me so many years. This world had many people suicide because depression, add on one of me is not too much. If I leave this world no one will remember me because I just a weak patient of depression. Forgettery times I tried to take myself from continue in the state of depression, but I failed how many times I tried. Every time I wake up from depression, I realize myself is stronger. At last, I failed again, I fall down. I was tired my current situation now, I am not me, but I am just control by depression. I need to "LEAVE". The only way to release from depression.